He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
