I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
