I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize