1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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