lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
