Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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