My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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