You're my little dorito
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
