i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize