I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
