just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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