I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
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