none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
