and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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