We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
