Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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