So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
