Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
