I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
So apparently I’m into choking now
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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