I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
this beer tastes like vomit already
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
me + whiskey = a bad person
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
