How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
