i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Life is so much better after having sex.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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