And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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