I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
