I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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