i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
