I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
