I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Someone signed my nipple.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
