If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
