Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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