So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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