Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
