Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(952): View more from Minnesota

Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me

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(239): View more from Florida

Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.

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(207): View more from Maine

Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.

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(443): View more from Maryland

i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement

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(312): View more from Illinois

My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.

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(512): View more from Texas

We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.

Fav 10 1496 1954
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome

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(802): View more from Vermont

I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex

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(303): View more from Colorado

i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"

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