im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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