He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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