I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
