I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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