I wanna passion pit in your ass
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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