I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
