Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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