is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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