I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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