her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
