The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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