I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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