Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
