Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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