Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
