??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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