Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
