I think my fart just growled at me.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
