So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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