evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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