Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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