Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
