Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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