somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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