can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
