It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
