WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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