My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
