I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
