I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I would fuck him just for his dog
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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