so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
