No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Randomize
